mindless carnival toys
Sometimes I feel like I’m lost, Lord. I can’t seem to see where I’m going for all the distractions around me. I head one direction, thinking that’s where you want me to go, only to find it gets me nowhere. I turn around and try again with the same result. I feel like I’m stuck and making no progress at all. Even at those moments when I see an opening and move in that direction, I am immediately bumped and jostled until I become disoriented again.
I am aware that I am but one in billions of people on this earth. Most of us are so busy going to and fro that we probably look like mindless carnival toys to you. We turn and bump, float and bob, sit and stare. In the end I wonder what we accomplish. We seem to go in endless circles.
Usually when this happens to me, Lord, I’m so busy looking for a path in front of me that I fail to look up. If I looked up, I would see your light. If I looked up at you, I would always have a point of reference, something to move toward. Today, help me to not get swallowed up by the bumping and confusion of life. Rather, help me focus on you, look in your face, and find hope. Amen.
never ending steps
Sometimes, Lord, I feel like I can do anything. I believe there is no mountain too big to defeat me. I believe that no matter how steep or how high that mountain is, I can climb it with ease. I believe these things because I know you are my God, and you are capable of anything. I know deep down that I can’t possibly overcome such a mountain by myself. With you, however, nothing is impossible. The obstacle I face seems like nothing, like an ant hill. In those moments I live in great faith and step with confidence.
So why is it, Lord, that the very next day that same mountain seems insurmountable, overwhelming, impossible? Why am I defeated by even the smallest step? I look at what is before me and faint with doubt. I anticipate the hard work that lies ahead. I grow weary before I even begin. It’s as if I have lost all confidence in your ability to support me, encourage me, and work miracles of strength within me.
Forgive me, Jesus, for my lack of faith. Help me to recapture the assurance that you are able to do all things. At the same time help me to look at each footfall as a step of faith. To climb a mountain requires thousands of steps, each one an act of faith. Remind me that true faith is a never ending series of steps rather than a single bound.
You have carved the path out before me and laid the stepping stones. Help me to not be overwhelmed when I look up at what is to come. Rather, help me to focus on the next step and trust that you will take care of the rest. Amen.
from dawn to dusk
Lord, you are a magnificent God. God of grace. God of blessing and wonder. You heard my cry, my petition of concern. You did not turn a deaf ear, but smiled upon my request. When I finally, prayed with the smallest mustard seed of faith, you grew my tree overnight as if it were a magic seed like that of Jack’s Beanstalk.
I have been praying much the same prayer for several years with so few results. Then when I finally place it all in your hands and truly believe that you are on your throne and that you will care for the needs, you responded. From dawn to dusk, your love never wavers. You see what is happening in the lives of those I pray for. You understand their anguish and you respond with great love.
Thank you for such obvious responses that I cannot do anything but understand that you have heard my prayer and intervened in acts of great compassion. Forgive me when I pray without faith. Remind me often of your miracles and your gracious hand. Praise be to God. Amen.
swept into the stream
I rushed about yesterday, Lord, failing to see the landscape around me. I knew it would happen. I even talked about it with you in the morning. I had things to do that I knew would be frustrating and time consuming. I talked with you about my need for calm and contentment, the need to guard against irritation and anger. Yet it happened anyway. As the day progressed I felt swept into the stream of life. I watched it happen as if I were not part of it, as if I had no control over it.
As I descended into the current, life became a blur. I became so focused on the moment, the danger before me, and my collision with others that I missed the scenery along the bank. My vision became murky. My temperament became frothy. The beauty of the landscape I passed through can never be recovered. I can’t go back and redo those miles.
At the end of the day, Lord, I had accomplished little. I had not checked off all my list of To Do’s. Worse, however, I had done nothing to show love or encouragement. I had done nothing to grow in patience or trust. Those things I thought so important I realize now were not so. My life goes on if I don’t accomplish all the tasks I set out to accomplish. However, if I don’t learn patience, contentment, trust, and love then my life will continue to be filled with frothy, blurred days that I regret.
When I finally calmed myself and slowed down I could see the danger I had been in. I could once again see the world around me. My own character, thankfully, became clear and pure. Forgive me, Lord, for placing the tasks of my day before the character of love you are trying to stir in me. Amen.
sadness weighs upon me
Sadness weighs upon me until I can no longer hold my head up, Lord. I bow and weep. I feel defeat and want very much to to retreat. I want to stop the fighting and run from my troubles. I fantasize sometimes about starting all over somewhere else where there will be no problems. At other times I wish I could go back and change decisions that took me down a path I never anticipated. Why am I so good at second-guessing and so lousy at first chances?
Sometimes, God, the defeat I feel has little to do with the circumstances I find myself in, no matter how difficult those circumstances might be. Instead, the defeat comes from the additional burden I place on myself through worry and anxiety. I anticipate the worse. I imagine scenarios that make me so angry I want to lash out, pull back my spear and thrust at the ghosts that do not really exist.
I know that defeat has and will come in my life. I have ridden through the dry valleys of death. I have experienced humility and grieved over loss. They will come again. These things are not mine alone, however. I understand that such experiences are one of the common factors that binds me to all of humanity and to Jesus who suffered on my behalf. What I struggle with is a lack of faith that you ride with me through these moments of fear. I forget that you never abandon me and that I can hold my head up high with the confidence that defeat is nothing.
When I persevere with you at my side I gain hope. Hope leads to faith and faith leads to joy. Tonight, Lord, my faith is weak so I ask for the will to persevere. I ask that you take away my sorrow and replace it with satisfaction in knowing I am your child despite the circumstances I may experience. Remind me of your promise to be with me from now through eternity. Amen.
